The Art of Defense | Marriage

by Paul Cypert

For many of you, much of your Christian background was a thorough indoctrination in offense, for most of us are wither we know it or not, or want to admit it or not, we were steeped in evangelicalism (offense). If you were taught defense it was primarily how to defend your faith and there is nothing wrong with that, but developing a personal defense to ward off what the world, the flesh and the devil (calamity, heartbreak, money, loss, temptation, bad marriages, addiction) throws against you probably not. 

Although there are tons of scripture that alert us and describe the need to create a good defense, most people don’t seem to have received the game plan.

For instance; Ephesians 6 orders us to put on the whole armor of God and assume a defensive position and hold your ground! The Ephesians 6 defender has only one offensive weapon.

In Proverbs 4:23 the wisdom writer says, Keep thy heart more than anything that is Guarded (Defended); for out of it are the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23 Darby). Jesus said to them, “Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.” (Luke 12:15 NASB) So many places the scriptures teach us to defend - guard against attack.

Eugene Peterson said “Joy is what God gives, not what we work up. Laughter is the delight that things are working together for good to those who love God, not the giggles that betray the nervousness of a precarious defense system.”

It is so true the bible has much to say about Defense …

Marriage has been and is a big battle ground for folks. A place where people become entrenched in a type of hand to hand combat, literally in some cases. You got to understand marriage is lived out in close and I mean very close quarters…

Having a defensive strategy is oh so important! 

In Genesis 2, we have the first wedding. It’s like much of the Old Testament, pictorial! Big Wedding Album Genesis chapter 2. God as father of the bride walks Eve into Eden and gives her away to Adam.

Let me explain the story, the whole creation story sounds like a big congratulatory moment; God looked at what He made and said this is good and this is good and this is good and this is very good.

Until He looked at Adam and said, “this is not good”. “This guy is not going to do well, alone.” (Genesis 2:18) This should be to us a ‘Glaring Insight’ So, God schemes up a big wedding as the solution for Adam’s not so good situation, He will make him a ‘Suitable Helper’, a like him but opposite of him.

Adam response? verse 23 says, “This Is Now” meaning at Last… Finally

How this played from a readers perspective and in real time for Adam? He visually, joyously, emotionally, rationally, irrationally and every way possible you could think of, jumped up and this is now bone of my bone flesh of my flesh, meaning at Last, Finally something I can hold, touch, relate to.  

Kinda like the old Etta James song, ‘At Last’
At last,
My love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song

Oh yeah yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clover
The night I looked at you

And I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known

Oh yeah yeah, and you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in Heaven
For you are mine at last

Who is this at last, finally, Suitable Helper of Genesis 2? The Hebrew phrase in scripture calls her an Ezer Knegdow! A 'suitable helper.

The Hebrew word 'knegdow' is most translated as 'suitable,' refers to an exactly corresponding counterpart. Literally, it refers to 'standing opposite to.' Here it seems to imply that both genders are incomplete without the other. Each has qualities and inherent general characteristics the other lacks and depends on the other to contribute.

Helper: Hebrew word Ezer, is regularly used to refer to military reinforcements and in fact God used this term to describe Himself and His relationship to Israel, an Ezer, reinforcements.

In no way does this phrase helper, helpmate, suitable helper, mean servant or subservient - or the supporting role of a male ego. It means a like-opposite of him. Equal power, equal capabilities, equal say, equal reward sharer! A Like but opposite who can bring the reinforcements when needed.

Here’s a big insight, a marriage is two people put into a tight relationship. Right? The two shall become one flesh? Thats just not physically. Thats close proximity. For me, next July, 50 years with a ‘like opposite’ in close quarters, extremely close quarters How close? We sleep in the same bed. After 50 years of conflict, head butting, working it out and her bringing herself as the reinforcements to help me fight the battles of life, battles which I may or may not have asked for, battles both large and small, battles no one but D’Ann and I know or understand. And all the good times, fun, tears, disappointment and hilarity in-between. And it’s been hilarious at times! I no longer just look at life through my extremely masculine lens, I often look at life through what would D’Ann say or do. Sometimes, I even ask myself not what would Jesus do and thats always a good ask, but what would D’Ann do? Because like Adam, I don’t do well alone! I Know that, ‘bad marriages and divorce is a destroyer of people, wealth, emotional well being, a big stressor and will become a defining moment either for the good or bad. Generally speaking, bad. It destroys children and families. It creates and makes folks adversaries. I have watched a lot of people walk away from God because there marriages blew up’.

Charlie Munger, famous investing partner of Warren Buffett said; “a lot of success in life and business comes from knowing what you want to avoid: early death, a bad marriage”.  

It’s a good idea to learn how to defend your marriage from the attack thats coming because it will come. The world, the flesh and the satan will probe this union looking for places of weakness in order to break the union and its unity.  

In this Genesis 2 story there are three insights that imply strongly, what you need if you’re going to be married well. You can click the link below for a full explanation as I with the help of some trusted mentors unpack 3 defense strategies for being married well!

Let Nothing Disturb You,
Paul Cypert